Ooh, Treasure!
by Draegoness
Summary: [FFI ONESHOT] The warriors of light have found a rare item, indeed. Now... Who gets to keep it? My attempt at humor. Please R&R!


**A/N:** My first Final Fantasy fic! (Please don't kill me!) This is based on FFI, but also has elements of FFI on the GBA. These characters are based on those in my save file, so I've had time to develop personalities. Not that any of it is overly apparent here. Enjoy!

**Ooh, Treasure!**

The four warriors of light stood in silence, gathered around the sealed treasure chest.

Torn, a weary and worrisome Master looked down upon the wooden container with distrust.

Ash, an overly social Black Wizard stared, hands clasped, in anticipation.

Frost, the most disturbingly war-seeking White Wizard the other three have ever met, showed no interest whatsoever towards the mysterious box.

Orean, however, an over-zealous battler, famous for her impatience, grew, well, impatient. As did the reader with the author's introducing each character one by one, instead of just getting on with the story.

"Will someone open it already?" Orean finally snapped. "We kinda have this 'restoring the crystals to grace' thing to get back to, in case anyone has forgotten."

"Well, why don't _you_ open it," Torn questioned, "seeing as how you're so eager to get back on track?"

"No way! The last time I tried to open one of these things it grew fangs and tried to claim my life. And mimics aren't even supposed to exist yet! Who knows what could happen next?"

"Exactly," Torn agreed, "I say we just ignore it. Whoever is leaving all these treasure chests scattered about surely has something sinister in mind. They're probably thinking, 'Ooh, let's leave all these enticing treasures here and lure whoever opens them to open more and then WHAM!' It's a Flare in a box, and we're all incinerated!" he greatly exaggerated. Although the terrified look on his face proved he was indeed serious.

"But, we can't just leave it; there might be something good in there! Hey Torn, you're big and strong. Why don't you open it?"

"Oh, of course! Send a person with extremely weak magical-resistance to open a most likely magic-springed trap. Do you want me to die, Orean? Is that what you want?"

"Please, Torn! Do you think I'd purposely ask you to do something _that_ dangerous? Besides, we've got plenty of Phoenix Down! In the unlikely event of your death, you'd end up fine anyway," she smiled.

"Oh, no! No, no, no, no! I've already died five times on this little quest! And it wasn't at all pleasant! What makes you think I'm going to willingly die for you, again? Huh?"

"Torn, I'm not asking you to die!"

Unnoticed by the two paranoia stricken comrades, Frost and Ash were growing impatient.

"This may take a fair while to resolve," Frost admitted.

"You're absolutely right, Frosty. I think it might be best if we just opened the chest now, while they're not looking." Ash suggested.

"I agree. We should act now while Torn is most distracted, lest he fall into another panic-induced rant."

"Arighty, then! Shall I do the honours or shall you?" Ash offered, bowing as a gentleman would, one hand on her stomach and the other extended towards the treasure chest, smiling.

"Let us both open it. If anything, I just don't want to appear as a coward in the eyes of these two rock-heads."

Without hesitation Frost knelt down, unlatched the lock and together they both heaved the chest lid open.

Meanwhile…

"Well, maybe if you'd made a different career choice, Torn, you wouldn't be so susceptible to-" Orean was interrupted by the sudden creak of dried old wood.

Torn and Orean abandoned the verbal battle, as all four looked down upon the contents of the treasure chest, in awe.

"Awe!"

What they had uncovered turned out to be none other than…

"What the heck is this?" Orean asked, rudely interrupting the author and in turn prolonging the eventual revelation as to what exactly they had found to the now annoyed reader.

"It can't be," Ash started, "Oh my golly-gosh, it is!"

"But, what the heck is it?" Torn echoed the curious Red Wizard.

"It is the weapon… It's…." Frost continued.

"Will you tell us what it is, already!" shot Torn.

"Yeah," agreed Orean, "The suspense is gone, now you're just being annoying!"

Frost rose up slowly, a grin widening on her cerulean-painted lips.

"It is the ultimate weapon," she announced, "Ultima Weapon."

"Oh, wow. _That's_ an original name!" Orean spat sarcastically.

Ash pushed Torn aside as she tried to get a closer look, almost falling into the large wooden box herself.

"My-oh-my! It _is_ the Ultima Weapon! One crafted as to strike with a force equal to one's own inner strength! This thing could bring down aHill Gigas with half a blow!" Ash exclaimed excitedly, struggling to fight off a girlish squeal.

"_I_ could bring down a Hill Gigas with half a blow!" huffed Orean, arms folded, obviously unimpressed. "That thing looks huge. It'll probably just slow me down."

"So, I take it you're not interested?" asked Ash.

"Nah, give me the Lightbringer any day," Orean replied, "besides, it matches my outfit. You seem to like it, though. Why don't you have it, Ash?" she offered.

"Oh no! I could never abandon my little Orichalcie!" she proclaimed, drawing out her Orichalcum dagger and holding it tight around the hilt. "Orichalchie has kept me safe and sound in every battle, healing me with every strike I make. Well, except when we fight undead things. But you can't help that, can you, Orichalchie?" she mused as she kissed the flat side of the blade.

This strange behaviour was met with glares of concern and confusion from her friends.

"Alright," began Torn, "I guess that leaves me."

"Hold on there, big fella! I think you're forgetting about someone," Ash interrupted.

"Yeah. What about tall, pale and icy?" Orean quipped.

She was answered with an emotionless glare from Frost.

"What? But Frost doesn't want it, do you Frost?" asked Torn.

"Perhaps," Frost started, "I think it wise that the one who wields this blade have sufficient knowledge of how a weapon generally works."

"Well, I guess that's me then," said Torn.

"I think not," replied Frost in an, um, 'frosty' tone.

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"Um, maybe you haven't noticed, Torn, but you really suck with weapons," Orean pointed out.

"What?"

"Don't get us wrong, Torny, but it's true," added Ash. "Remember when you tried to stab that pirate with your nunchakus?"

"Hey, that was once! And what's a healer supposed to do with it? She's healing half the time! I bet I'd be able to do way more damage than she can!" Torn attempted to defend himself, ultimately failing.

Orean placed a sympathetic hand on Torn's shoulder. "Listen, big guy; all we're saying is that you're tough enough without a weapon. Look, you've even managed to bare-fist-fight your way the whole time through this dungeon!"

"I know. It's just that I'd feel a lot safer holding Ultimate Weapon." He explained.

"Ultima Weapon," Ash corrected.

"Whatever! The point is I want it! Please?" he begged to no avail.

Torn was met only with _'I'm sorry, but well, you know'_ glances from his friends.

"Well, can I at least have some armour? Do you realise I'm a siting duck out on the battle field?" he tried to compromise.

Orean spoke up to slash his hopes once more.

"Sorry, buddy. Armour only slows you down and we need you to be at your best in a fight. You understand, right?"

"Oh sure, I understand; no weapons, no armour… You _do_ want me to die, don't you?"

"Torn…"

"Does it bring you pleasure, seeing me die all the time?"

"Torny…"

"I bet you have a secret wager or something going on here!"

"Torn!"

"How many times can we resurrect Torn before our quest is fulfilled, right?"

"Torn, for goodness sake, we don't want you to die!"

"Oh, you say that now, but-"

Torn's blubbering was suddenly interrupted by many loud screeching noises behind them.

The group turned to see six Abyss Worms, writhing in painful defeat. Standing over them with a smirk of triumph was Frost, Ultima Weapon in hand.

"See!" Torn pointed, "There aren't even supposed to be any enemies on this floor! Those worms aren't even supposed to be on the same continent! I need protection!"

Orean gave Torn an assuring pat on the back. "Don't worry, my friend. I think her 'inner strength' is protection enough for all of us."

**The End**

**Draegoness:** Hello! I partly wrote this fic because of my brother, Eddie. So, if you like it, you can thank him. If you hate it you can blame him, too. Either way… Please review!


End file.
